The four social addictions as researched by anthropolist, Angeles Arriens, have finally found their resting place in me. The addiction of living in drama to create a feeling of being alive with a purpose has turned toward creative activities that bring me simple, quiet pleasures. The need for perfection has melted into acceptance of what is and my need to fixate on what is wrong is dissolving into meaningless mind chatter. The need to know is still present and wants to be exercised but for the most part, it too, is adapting to the stillness that abides in me. Perhaps it is my age but I never gave thought that there would be a time where I put aside ambition and live a settled life in such an unsettled time.
With eyes wide open, I see the play of my old life, as I had written it, come to an end. It has been a very long story full of drama, comedy, and adventure. As I look back, it was ultimately a story of love and as I rest in this awareness, I am filled with awe and wondering what the next play might look like.
You see what was relevant to my life is no longer so. The old deeply embedded belief of suffering and struggle, of healing that which I believed was broken, no longer has meaning or gives me a sense of purpose. This was the condition laid down by my ancestors and what was bequeathed to me to dissolve, resolve and evolve. I played out my role with such perfection, I knew only this as “reality” for many years. Yet seven years ago, as I crawled out of a cave on my hands and knees in the Tibetan mountains, I saw that I was looking at a new landscape, completely bare. I was entering a land where everything had yet to be conceived, seeded and created.
These past seven years have been most challenging as I moved back and forth from one reality to the other, usually feeling I was caught in the mire of old beliefs that were no longer mine. It gradually dawned on me that I was not only extricating myself from my own small ego-ic personality but those of my mother and father, first individually and then as a couple on behalf of the “collective”. It was soul-searing work as I burnt away my attachments to the many different identities and beliefs I had assumed over the span of my entire life.
This is what my soul’s mission had been! To experience the potency of fear that has existed on the planet for thousands of years while still being present to a state of grace through the self realization of love and compassion. Both my family of origin and the greater family created this womb of opportunity with external experiences of abuse, betrayal and abandonment as I tapped into the collective experience and deeper social condition of human suffering and isolation.
We are now in a new paradigm and consciously co-creating a new grid for us to stand and build with others. These times are exciting! Dissolving old patterns, reframing our experiences into compassionate understanding was hard work! I believe the new work is equally charged but with a wonderfully energizing sense of liberation and anticipation. Can’t wait to meet you there!