A Fatal Flaw

Our Western culture tends to have us living in the context of thinking there is a place to “get to” rather than an “I am here” perspective. I am imagining a time when all are living in the spaciousness of “now” without worry of the future and how we are to survive. In these changing times of great uncertainty, it seems even more imperative to drop into that awareness of what is truly important to us and follow the impulses that help us align with it. There is something more at stake here these days. Everything that gave us a sense of safety and security is being “shaken” and “stirred”. I personally am no longer satisfied with attaining status or material things. My ambition and drive has melted away and I am left with a strong pull toward wanting to be of value and contribute to life. Perhaps it comes with the passage of time and a life lived where I did have, what I consider to be, a moderate level of success and material wealth. My desires now are simpler, more pressing and based on the broader perspective on what is happening in the world. I feel a shift from within moving “me” to “we”, actively enquiring what it is that brings my life meaning and joy and can contribute to the greater whole.

From time to time, there is something that arises and inhibits me from being present to what this might look like. I believe it is a personal and collective world wound that I personally strived to heal for many years – a deeply held belief that I was terribly, irrevocably flawed. It was seeded and cultivated not only by my family, but by formalized religion and the culture in which I grew up. I believed that I was not lovable or wanted. It was this belief that kept me focused on the “me” and ran the gamut of striving for physical beauty and mental health, desiring recognition and material success while really wanting to find a place of love and acceptance within me. This sense that there was a corruption or distortion within my being, kept me exploring for many years as I excavated the beliefs and meaning I made about myself and why I responded to life the way I did.

This course of enquiry served me well and helped integrate the small self into the larger context of the collective whole. It brought the recognition and cultivation of an evolutionary perspective that my life is connected to all life and all human experiences. This path embraced the cellular knowing of past or parallel lives lived, remembering early traumatic experiences in this lifetime and enriching my worldview by visiting and learning from many different cultural and religious perspectives. It brought me the realization that this great shift the mystics and earth nations have spoken about for eons of time, is the evolution of consciousness. And with it, the awareness that there are many “realms of consciousness” humankind plays in to assist this shift from one paradigm to another. At the moment, I am identifying that the central evolutionary impulse of this shift seems to run through all cultures and is ignited by our beliefs and interpretation of “god”.

As I have mentioned previously, I am aware of three “world wounds” that humanity is working its way through to evolve itself to its next stage of development. The first is the experience of victimization; recognizing we are part of a co-creation – instead of victim – and perhaps we are causing our experiences by the beliefs we hold – that in fact, the soul was aligning with a blueprint of what it wanted to experience. The second aspect of expanding consciousness is around the “energy of desire” where we become aware of both our egoic and soul natures, and seek out the distortions that keep us trapped in our identification about ourselves. The third world wound is the concept of duality and “right/wrong” thinking which reenforces the belief that we are flawed and has greatly affected our ability to access our true desires that contribute to the elevation of our consciousness.

I believe all three of these world wounds came through the Christian/Judaic/Muslim stream of consciousness and were set in place so that we could experience and learn about love, extending that to the substance of what god is and moving our perceptions from a personal, gendered god outside ourselves to the embodiment of god within us all. It feels to me then, that the new paradigm of consciousness we are in the midst of birthing is that of knowing god as ALL and that the path is one of self love so that we can indeed come into a place of oneness with all beings.
The key to integration and healing for me came through the resonance and acceptance of the full range of my emotions and feeling nature. I found when I was able to hold and embody the utmost compassion for whatever feelings arose in me, I could hold it for others. Perhaps this is why movies and music are so powerful an influence over us because they evoke feelings from within us, giving us a context for our own feeling reservoir. Returning us over and over again to that well of love and kinship of feeling with others, weaves a new paradigm of transparency, compassion and connectedness. It is in the feeling nature of our being where we align and unite with others. It is also the lack of this recognition or acceptance of these deepest feelings that drives us into acting out our fear, separation and isolation.

It has been many years now since I began my journey inward. I was compelled by something nameless and unfathomable, perhaps the soul calling, to uncover “the truth of me”. It was hard-going to confront those places within me that held deep hatred for myself, and harder still to own that I was afraid of others, unable to trust for fear of being hurt. But the journey has been a most profound and magical return to love, in ways that were unexpected – sometimes feeling a deep resonance with all of life, mostly understanding that it was there all along. I saw that my mind stepped into an unbalanced place of power and authority to protect me from perceived harm yet constricted my heart and its ability to be intimately connected to myself and others. It was my feeling heart that found its fulfillment in being understood and held compassionately within my own embrace and consequently, in others’ regard for me. Its time now to hold steady the resonance of love within our being and know that as good, as god in you and me.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.